Melis Menent

And then the most boring this has happened. I have turned my everyday life into a pre-destined failure. The absolute repetitions, the impossibility of trying anything new, in fact the sheer fact of the broad refusal of trials… Did everybody else manage to ‘succeed’ in life, to find health and happiness, while going over and over the same neural mechanisms?

I cannot really find out what the neural mechanisms mean for my everyday emotions. It’s my everyday which matters, more and more. While the utopias become even more difficult to achieve. Another thing I struggle is to understand how money does things anyway. In the utopos, I could be having another existence. One which I could not grasp fully well because I have been busy thinking about other things. I was busy thinking about good things. A better world. Now I have to think a bit more about a ‘better life’. A new life resolution, before the new year is around the door. When the new year is here, this year more than every year I will want a cold and hopeful film for my screen.

My screen which started going black more each day. It’s the films in particular. All the visuals on which my limbic system hangs on, the kind of emotional movement which I can just look at that at the same time makes me feel good. Feel good by not tricking myself in a ‘feel good movie’ sense of the term. But the kind of health that comes with empathically relating to the worlds of others, all on your own… Cinema is indeed a bounty.

But I don’t have things to watch. Not a cinema which I like. I don’t like it that when I don’t like things I am the one to blame. It is so simple on the island. This simple. I made it less simple by discovering a new place to buy food. It was full of surprises, a simple kind of reassurance. The free range chicken together all sorts of protein which do not cause problems in my body were staring at me. The chicken did not speak a language we could recognise but they could sing. They sang the song of freedom for me, which would then bring lots of health to my body. The fears of not knowing, not learning started to melt away when I simply dared. That’s how I met my baby chicken.